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I pray...

Tuesday, August 11, 2009 11:59 PM

I just realised, that being a nurse had just made me into someone that I don't wish to be.
Cause,
I don't wish to be knowledgeable to know what's wrong with her.

She's 37 years old.
Married without kids.
Came all the way to Singapore,
And decided to work in a dangerous environment; hospital.
Where germs and infections sets in like nobody's business.

Finally, at 37, God gave her a wonderful present.
She's pregnant, with twins, and they are both boys.
No good news could be better than this,
But she knows that she had to be extra careful.

She was supposed to be expecting her boys at Christmas,
Which was another jovial event.
Her babies were going to be 5 months.
As said by a mummy,
By that stage,
You could have already felt the baby kicking and alive inside you.

But no one could have expected this.
After a round of the routine night shift,
She felt generalised weakness.
But her boss was great to her,
And granted her leave on the day when she was really unwell and even vomitted.

She went on leave,
And went home to rest.
Despite having low grade temperature for 2 days,
She insisted on not seeing a doctor.
Because all she wants,
Is to save that little money for her babies.

But when things got worst,
And finally hearing all the scoldings that she got from her close ones,
She decided to see a doctor when she really felt breathless.
So together with her husband and her close friend (another colleague),
They headed to ED in NUH.
They did scans to ensure that her babies are fine,
And run blood tests for her.

All the while,
This little mummy was still alert and talking to her loved ones.
Then she was put on 100% oxygen and was sent to the ICU stat.
They did all that they wanted to do for her.
But moments later,
We nearly lost her.
She collapsed, but the angels got her back from hell.
But in the attempt;
Her twins dead,
And her mind had left us since.

She was put on many lines.
CVP, IDC, NGT etc etc etc.
Our angels are fighting to bring her back to health.
As much as the dead babies are harming her,
But they couldn't do an op for her at this timing,
Cause there's this very very high risk that she could and will bleed to death.

We may have seen too much dramas,
But nothing can be compared to seeing one live example in front of you,
Especially when this is someone that you know.

We know the complications of the foetus staying inside her,
But yet, we could do nothing.

Then, she got it again this morning.
She was just this step to heaven when God decided that this may not be the time yet.
Unless God steps in and decided for a miracle,
If not,
We can't save a withering plant.
When the heart, lung and kidney had failed,
There's nothing that even the best of the best could do.

She's been intubated and been living off it.
We know the consequences of pulling it out.
She's on every fluids that we know so clearly what are the indications for.
But yet,
Even as nurses,
We stood helpless, hopeless, all only praying for some miracles.

Her husband has been with her all the time.
Her good friend travelling to and fro with a bad health.
Bosses paid her a visit,
And all the colleagues went to her even though it's late at night.

During the day.
The rounds and discussions were quiet.
No one really talked, except when the topic had reached her.
We can't set the right mind to work.
When bosses came and console us,
It made us feel even much worst.
When the one who visited her told us,
I could still clearly remember her first sentence to us, with her both eyes red,
"I don't think she can make it"
That set everyone into a fresh round of tears.
No one could believe it.

We all even adjusted the roster,
So that her good friend could stay by her and get another day rest.
We are really standing on the boat now,
Holding our hands tight in unity.

When we reached.
It will be a scene that we can't forget.
The once so bubbly, skinny her had changed so much.
She was barely recognized.
Her whole face and body was so bloated that if you didn't point her out to me,
I won't be able to know that it's her.

We stood from a distance,
With our emotions running wild,
And tears flowing down like mad.
No matter how much information we get from the doctors only tells us that she is getting worst.

No matter how strong I seemed,
I broke down over the phone with my beloved one.
I told him from head to toes on what had happened.
And one "I love you" is the only thing that calmed me down.
He is my standing pillar, he is my standing support.
When I got back to my own nest,
I told the one who had been growing me up these years.
Once again, tears found their way out,
And I realised that I was tearing, voice breaking, and telling them what happened at a same time.

It was a lung infection; pneumonia.
Which the source is still being investigated.
We thought it could be the recent viral flu; swine,
But it turns out to be not.
"So, what could it be?";
Is what lies in all the knowledgeable mindset.

We know that deep down in our hearts,
No matter how much complains we used to have towards her,
We want her back again.
But can this be possible?
Cause even if she returns,
She won't be the same anymore,
And, will her family be able to cope taking care of her?

Life is so short.
You really don't know what could happen the next moment.
So friends,
Let me put this across.
I love all of you.
Before I won't have anymore chance,
I really do love and cherish all of you.
Please, do make everyday of yours a special, great and memorable one.
Tell everyone that you loved them before you find it hard to say it to them anymore.

I pray...
That you will be back to see us;
That you will be back to your husband's embrace;
That you will be able to see the year changing;
That you will be able to see us grow together with you;
That you will work hard together with me, and settling all our difficult clients;
That you will allow me and give me a chance to protect you.

Please, just let me see you smile once more.